Mother vs Mom
by Jaina Durron
Summary: In a moment following the realization of how far gone her son is, Leia shares a moment with Jaina and expresses her hurt. EU, not canon!


**A.N.** I've been in a really EU mood lately- as far as writing goes, I mean. This snippet is inspired from _Legacy of the Force: Inferno_. To distract Jacen/Caedus while Han, Jaina, Jag, and Zekk are doing something, Leia goes to talk with Jacen. I can only imagine how awful that would have been for Leia. After rereading it, though, it reminded me of a scene from _NJO: Dark Journey_ and I just had to write this.

* * *

Jaina had seldom washed the dishes before; what little time did they ever have on their hands and why waste that time with Threepio around. But she was doing them as she found it made the perfect distraction for her hands, scrubbing away with a hard brush at hard stains. It also meant that she didn't have to look at her mother who sat behind her, slowly crumbling apart. Jaina wasn't sure he could handle that right now.

"Jaina," Leia suddenly spoke up. Jaina's shoulders dropped along with her resolve. Doubt flooded her system, but she shoved it aside. She couldn't handle thinking about her brother right now, but it was inevitable and her mother was only going to make it worse.

No! Jaina scorned herself for that little thought. Her mother was suffering as much- if not more- as she was. She needed to mourn. She deserved that much.  
Thrusting her towel and brush back under the steaming, soapy water, Jaina gave up and turned around to face Leia. Her gaze was elsewhere, though; far, far away and lost in a world of grief that was so far from where Jaina needed her. Carefully, Jaina spoke to her to refocus her attention. "Yes, Mom?"

Leia started in her seat and turned her eyes up to her daughter. Her big, dark, mournful eyes were glazed over with heavy tears, but they refused to spill. Leia willed them to stay. Blinking them away, she told her daughter in the strongest voice she'd managed since they'd returned from the _Anakin Solo._ Leia had been withdrawn and touchy ever since. But she looked up at Jaina now with a sad sort of strength to her voice. She told her daughter, "Jaina, when you were younger and you called me 'mother'- it hurt."

Jaina bowed her head, bracing herself against the counter behind her, her senses flooding with shame. "I'm sorry-"

"No. Jaina," Leia shook her head. Her gaze had fallen back to the ground, returning to its distant, far-off look. Finally, a few of tears spilled down her cheeks. So quickly, so suddenly. Her shoulders shook once before she continued. "When I was-" she stopped, her mouth full of words she didn't want to say, but Jaina understood and knew what they all were. _On the Anakin, talking to the monster who took my son._ Jaina took a breath as she carefully came to her mom's side to sit with her. Leia looked at her. "Jacen called me 'mother'." Her voice broke. "And when he said that, he looked at me like the only reason he didn't call me by my first name was because he knew how wrong it would have been."

Leia stared at her, waiting for help, waiting for Jaina to throw her the buoy to save her. And when Jaina looked in her eyes, she realized for the first time just how lost her mom felt. Driven by instinct, Jaina slipped an arm around Leia's back and hugged her close. "That wasn't Jacen, you know," she said quietly. Of course, Leia knew; she knew as well as Jaina that that man was very much the same baby boy she'd loved and cherished and borne herself only 32 years ago. But- from a certain point of view (Jaina, as of late, had grown to very much appreciate that old phrase of her uncle's first master)- this man that had just left Leia so scarred was _not_ Jacen Solo but his murderer. Though, the scene of the crime had yet to be learned.

Pulling Leia close, Jaina started gently, "Mom."

Leia wiped at her eyes, shaking her head. "That hurt, Jaina. That kriffing _hurt!"_

Jaina nodded, pulling her closer yet as she pulled her in with both arms. "Mom, I'm still here-"

Leia burst into sobs, falling apart in her daughter's arms.

"Mom," Jaina repeated as she fought the tears stinging her own eyes.

Unexpectedly, an old memory hit Jaina. It seemed so long ago now. She'd been talking to Tahiri, so shortly after Anakin's death. Jaina barely remembered the conversation until it came to the point where Tahiri had turned the table on her, calling her out for distancing herself from her mother.

 _"Stop ignoring your mom."_

 _"I'm not ignoring her.'_

 _"You've started calling her 'Mother'."_

Jaina knew how much that hurt. She'd done it before and vowed to never do it again. But now Caedus was. And Jaina knew he was never going to go back. Where her mom had once had three children whom she'd loved with all her heart and whom had called her 'mom', now Leia Organa Solo only had one, but Jaina would make it count. "Mom? . . . Mommy?"

Leia composed herself enough to lean back and look at her daughter, her only child she had left. She took Jaina's face in her hands and Jaina let her see, reminded her that she was still there. Leia held her face between two hands and soaked in the image of her daughter; her precious, strong, beautiful daughter.

Jaina nodded. "I'm here. I'm here, Mom."

Leia broke once more as she agreed, "I know," and fell back into Jaina's arms.


End file.
